What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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