I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
