yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
