sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
