I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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