I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
