Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
