i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
