They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
