You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sisters under your porch take her home
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
