I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
