Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
