i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
