guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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