Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
