Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
