...so i touched it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
