just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
