I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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