id be glad to
Screwed.edu
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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