I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize