Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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