I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
