I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
