its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
