ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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