I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
