yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
