Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
