So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
