don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
