I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
