I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
