Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize