yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
