dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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