You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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