I'm really into asian looking animals
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
