Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
