My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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