I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
