I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
