Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
