wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
