if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
