I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize