im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize