Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
