You just made me feel so damn special
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
