please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize