Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
