Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
