I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
