just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize