I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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