"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
