maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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