i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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