Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize