thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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