This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
