I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize