In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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