I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
