Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize