I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
