You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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