He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize